haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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