She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
