first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My feet surprised me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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