i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
