Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
