only if we run a train.
done.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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