I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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