He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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