you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
