she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
