Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
