Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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