I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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