I looked at my own cervix.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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