worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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