the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
50% drunk capacity currently
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
