For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
