Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
