Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize