I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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