I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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