Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
