I heard we made out
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
