brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize