so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
