I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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