She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
