Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
