p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
