why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
3 2 1 whiskey
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
