You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
