turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
