handjob tips. give me some.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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