wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
