I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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