im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
