I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
