My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
