At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
