I faked an abortion last night.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
