No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
