your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
do herpes really smell.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
