u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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