I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
