i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
