It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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