shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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