Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
