Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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