Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
