i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
