if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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