You're so nebulous sometimes
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
