I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
