Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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