I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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