Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
