My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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