i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
