Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
