He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize