he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
