She's JV to your varsity
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
