What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
