Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize