Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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