i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
