i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
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